Stir(red) Crazy
Roleplaying Log: Stir(red) Crazy
Participants
IC Details
Synopsis:

Deadpool comes to visit Harley Quinn at Belle Reve, and he makes her a promise.

Other Characters Referenced: Boomerang, Amanda Waller, Winter Soldier
IC Date: September 27, 2019
IC Location: Belle Reve Penitentiary, Louisiana
OOC Notes & Details
Posted On: 28 Sep 2019 21:43
Rating & Warnings: PG
NPC & GM Credits:
Associated Plots

Six weeks. It's been six weeks since Amanda Waller sent her ex-boyfriend/teammate and her XO to come and collect Harley Quinn from the place where she'd holed up. The place where - while they haven't found the evidence of it - they're fairly certain that she disposed of two of Waller's ex-military men.

Needless to say, it hasn't earned Quinn any favors here in Belle Reve, where they've kept her caged and isolated down in the basement with no one to talk to. When the guards come on their array of tasks, sometimes they're nothing but business. Sometimes, they have business of their own and they make Quinn remember why she hates it here. Make her retreat a little deeper into the bouts of mania and drug-stupors when they come. That is to say, what little normalcy has started to return to her after playing Very Sane Lena Zelle for so long has started to elude her again.

So, in her jumpsuit of bright orange, she's presently hanging half off of her cot, her pig-tailed head touching the floor and her legs still on the mattress, as she waits to see how long she can lie this way before all the blood rushes to her head and she passes out.

She's been this way for a very long time.


Alarms. All of them. Or at least some of them.

Then there's also gunfire. Because where there's gunfire, there's smoke.

Footsteps are racing towards the outer doors that lead into the location of which the Harley of Quinn is being held. There's also the jingling of keys. And the dragging of what has to be a body.

"This is the last time I'm ever coming here. The customer service is HORRIBLE."

That's a familiar voice outside the door. It belongs to someone that may or may not be as (or more than) insane as Harley Quinn.

There's some scuffling and some slamming of head against doors, walls and maybe even some retina scanning or card swiping. Whatever. But finally the door opens and in calls… BELLE REVE GUARD #9. Dead? KO'd? Both? Is that even possible?

Jumping in after the body falls is none other than THE DESPICABLE DEADPOOL!

He makes his own fanfare, "TAH DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" as he poses with heroic flair, gloved hands on hips and everything. His usual black and red uniform is leaking blood from where he's been shot a few dozen times while trying to get down here in the first place! At least the Stormtrooper helmet he's wearing is still intact.


The sound of alarms and gunfire doesn't immediately draw Harley from her experiment. But then it gets louder. And closer. It pulls Harley's vapid gaze towards the door.

And then it gets closer still, and her head twists upon the floor as her eyes narrow in curiosity.

And then the reinforced door swings open. Her glassy stare returns as she takes him in, only to watch him fall over. Huh.

She's not exactly Princess Leia in repose when he arrives, although she's close to it after she finishes oozing off the side of her bed and laying more fully on her stomach. Her feet in her terrible loafers come up to kick girlishly as she curls her little fists under her chin to hold her head up as she smiles madly in her heroes direction. "Pooooooooooooolie," she sing-songs from the cold concrete floor, giggling once she's done. "Satan ain't gonna be happy with you!"


"Satan owes me twenty bucks so let's call it even."

The Stormtrooper helmet gets yanked off to reveal his expression-filled mask and he tosses it off to the side. More evidence that this was all him. As if the pieces of bodies and cameras and the GERONIPOOL scream when he attacked the facility wasn't a dead enough giveaway. This is a One Pool operation here, folks.

"So uh… you're the smart one and I'm the sexy one. So unless I can smooch this whole thing open? How do we get you outta' there so we can amscray before the rest of those bozos upstairs get down here. Or worse. My scooter gets a ticket!"

Deadpool runs up closer, perhaps testing for electrical attacks because they are both painful but also satisfying. "I'm double parked, Crazy Face." He smoochie-face sounds from behind that mask.


Harley's expression as she pulls herself backwards and then settles into a sit contorts into one of a theatrical sadness. "I don't get to get outta here, Pooliekins," she laments, her tone one of bottomless despair. "Waller says I gotta stay put for being a little extra naughty this time around."

Crossing her legs on the floor, she considers her would-be hero and then slumps backwards onto the floor once more with her arms stretched up over her head. "She said she was gonna make me go splodey this time around if I didn't keep in line. But I'm SO BORED."

Sitting up, she stretches her hands towards Deadpool, beseeching him to extend his understanding. "I mean, doesn't she know that boredom can explode yer brain, too?! I'M DOOMED!"

And with that, Harley dissolves into sobbing, her face disappearing into her hands.


"Um. Just heal. Doi!"

Wade sighs and drops down to the floor on the outside and the Room of Doom. Cell of Hell? Space of Disgrace? Whatever they want to call it! Right now it's being the only enemy that Deadpool can't kill.

Splodey Head.

"I just killed like fifty gazillion guys getting here and you can't even escape?! This is NOT FAIR! UGH!"

Deadpool starts rummaging through his pouches. "Hold on. I have to have an Anti Head Explosion Device in here somewhere…" In the middle of yanking out various gun clips, yo-yos and bubblegum, Deadpool looks up with a lightbulb damn near over his head. "… Wait. I can just go kill Waller! Then she can't blow your head up and you can get out!"


While Deadpool fishes around in his pockets, Harley watches in amusement. She even goes so far as to walk towards the bars of her cell to watch the action a little closer. When the gum appears, she absolutely, one-hundred-percent steals it, being very, very, very careful to not touch the steel between them. "OOH, grape! Howdja know?!"

She unwraps it and starts smacking at it loudly as he continues. And then… an idea.

Harley's eyes grow wide and she lets out the tiniest, most playful little gasp. "You'd kill Waller? Fer me?"


"Uh. Duh. Have you not read our fanfiction? I have like the HUGEST crush on you. So if killing ol' Wally Cleaver'll get you outta' this dumb ol' Hell Cell and possibly increase the chance of us going on a Natural Born Killers themed montage of violent dates… then yes. I will."

Deadpool finishes up with the pouch rummaging and realizes with a sigh. "Okay. No plot device to that's capable of saving your head at the moment. Blast!" He clenches a fist but withholds the shake. He's saving the full fistshake for a better opportunity.

"So. Now what? Am I supposed to just leave the lust of my life locked in here with the worst thing of alls time? Boredom?!?!"


As Deadpool restates his confession of adoration, both of Quinn's hands come to settle on her heart. "Aww, Poolie. Ya big softy."

The blonde bites her lower lip and then puts her sugary lips near the bars. A breath away, really. "Maybe if ya talk to Winter Soldier, ya could convince him to convince Waller to give me another shot on the other side of these bars." Her eyebrows waggle demonstratively. "We could blow up somethin' really spectacular. I'm very good. …At exploding things."


"… /TALK/?!"

Deadpool had already drawn out his katanas and was about to sharpen them against each other. He frowns beneath his mask as the hope of chopping Waller into all the littlest pieces ever must fade from his mind. It's a dramatic replacing of the blades back into their sheaths on his back.

"I… guess. Does he still have that scary robot arm thing?" Deadpool shudders. "I've had nightmares about that thing, tennis balls and Sonny Bono." Shaking off the possible nightmare flashback he focuses on Harley again. "Do you have his home address?"


"Yeah, he's still got the arm," Harley laments, her lips pursing and pulling up to the side. "It's how he and Boomerang got me in here."

Pulling back from the bars at last, she pirouettes back to her cot and flops bonelessly down upon it despite its squeak of protest. "Does it come off? Because that's kinda weird. But it could also be really funny. Do you think he's ever used it like a baseball bat to clobber someone? Because that would be amazing. Can you imagine the look on Waller's face if he just took that sucker off and KAPOW, TO THE MOON!"

To emphasize her point, Harley pantomimes a huge swing that has enough force behind it to briefly lift her off the bed. She reconsiders, and then tries the swing again, one-handed. And then she bounces as she falls back down, draping an arm over her eyes. "Ugh. I'm wasting away in here, DP. If I die in here, make sure you say something really terrific at the funeral, yeah?"


"No dying! There's a road trip adventure of Rihanna and Clyde proportions in our future! I'll take care of business and you just find something to amuse yourself until then. Because if you die of boredom I can't avenge you. Boredom is an elusive beast. One that I cannot kill without some kind of Spatial Matter Disruptor. Or something."

Deadpool has no idea what he's even talking about.

"So. We've got the plan. I go and beat Winter Soldier with his own robot arm until he tells Waller to let you out. Then we go kill people on a road trip across the country. And never be bored again!"

Deadpool taps his chin with one of his guns. "Now where can I find out where to find Cold Shoulder…"


Harley rolls onto her side, kicks up a knee, and props her head up on one arm. "I dunno. He's probably at the public library or something being used as cautionary tale to make sure the kids drink their milk or something."

She shrugs. "I mean, doesn't that seem like the kind of thing he'd do? He's so… I dunno…"

Halfway through her search for the word, Quinn rolls off the bed and crawls towards the bars. "Help me, Poolie-wan Kenobi. Yer my only hope! Ya gotta hurry! I haven't made one pun since you've been here, and I think that's a sign that I'm fergettin' who I am!"

Cue more waterworks.


"Okay. Sit tight, My Filly of Face Paint! I shall do whatever it takes to get you out of here! Well, whatever doesn't make your head explode anyway!"

Deadpool poses dramatically and slaps his teleporting device. Which activates after a few moment and Star Trek beams Deadpool OFF TO FIND WINTER SOLDIER!

"Where's ROBOT ARM MAN?!" And there's the gunfire and death from before. Only this time Deadpool's fighting his way /out/.

… wait, why didn't he just teleport out? Oy vey.

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