A Golden Opportunity
Roleplaying Log: A Golden Opportunity
Participants
IC Details
Synopsis:

An Italian mob wants to steal some gold from the catacombs beneath Gotham City.

Other Characters Referenced:
IC Date: February 23, 2019
IC Location: Gotham City
OOC Notes & Details
Posted On: 23 Feb 2019 20:02
Rating & Warnings: R (Language, Deadpool)
NPC & GM Credits:
Associated Plots

It should be an easy job, all things considered. The Montanari family, a proper Italian lot, somehow got word of an 'appreciable' amount of forgotten gold tucked away within the catacombs beneath Gotham City. It should be a simple matter to go down into the tunnels, find the stash, haul it out, then disappear. No cops, no trouble, nice low profile. Easy money.

At least until word slipped that a local Russian family, the Khvostovskis, had caught wind of this little operation. No one knew if they were planning on getting involved but a shootout between the two Families could become an absolute bloodbath. Thus, the Montanaris turned to the mercenary channels for some outside help. If the Russians wanted to edge in on their claim then they wanted to have the upper hand going in. Small, discreet, good with a gun sorts.

They aren't so happy that someone like Deadpool got brought into the job, but with a little explanation from Domino that he was good with a gun -and- could crap out any bullets he took while still fighting they had agreed to let him stay.

Reaching the catacombs is not a very pleasant experience. Entrances and routes leading to it are not well known and the Montanaris wanted to be certain that they had somewhere quiet to bring the goods back to rather than popping out of a manhole cover in the middle of downtown. Through the old industrial sector, branching off through a sewer and a long abandoned subway tunnel, they will eventually make it to the outer edges of the maze of the dead.

Everyone has flashlights. Everyone has weapons. Everyone has a large reinforced bag, empty for the moment. For the Mercs the haul is simple, whatever they can carry out in their bags. Word is there'll be enough for everyone, and gold is a heavy commodity.

***

It had taken Dead Girl quite some time to set up the warning of the cache of cursed gold in the catacombs under the city. A pirate's cache- blood money, all of it. Bled on, cursed by those who'd been stolen from. Each and every piece haunted and with truly wicked desire to cause harm to any of the living who'd dare disturb it again.

Dead Girl, being dead, seemed curiously immune to the dangers of this gold. It helped she could talk to the haunting spirits to explain she was just trying to let them rest.

The largest expense, however, was the craft goods that went into the warnings one would see coming closer and closer to the cache of gold. They started fairly friendly, for warnings, just some brightly colored paper and paint: "Welcome to the Catacombs! Please beware of curses." they said- simple things that grew ever more serious as one got closer to the gold- more and more dire.

Dead Girl herself was up in her own crypt- a mausoleum connected to the catacombs that immerges in Gotham's cemetery. She's watching television, wholly unaware that someone is approaching the cursed gold- rather, she's petting one of the graveyard cats and watching some silly cartoon.

***

"IIIIIII'VE BEEN WORKIN' ON THE RAAAAAIIIIILROOOOOOAD!"

Wade. Wade, shhhh!

"ALLLLLL THE POOL-A-LONG DAAAAAAAAY!"

Deadpool's ignoring the narrative function of stealth for the moment because over his uniform he's wearing a straight up gold miner's outfit complete with hard hat and one of those Pick-Axe's strapped to his back… between his swords. He's got a few of those reinforced bags because he's greedy as hell and there's no way he's leaving here with less than ALL OF THE GOLD.

"GOOOOOOOLLLLLLLDFIIIIINGAHHHHHH!"

Wade makes sure his flashlight (the one on his helmet) is on as he tries to drag himself up to be alongside the one that's leading this expedition.

"Iffin' we don't find this here gold soon, pa, we're gonna' lose the farm!"

What the hell is even happening in your brain, Wade?

Deadpool finally decides to ask the question that matters most to this entire operation. "Soooooo. Are we there yet?"

***

Domino had been afraid of this. Sure the guy's useful in a fight but when it comes to one's mental health he does absolutely no favors. "-Shut up- back there, Notch! Jeezus!" And where did Deadpool find all of that vintage mining gear?

(Eugh. Don't ask, Thurman.)

It isn't long before those cheery signs left behind are noticed, caught within the path of so many flashlights. "What is this, a guided tour?" she asks while shining her light around. "I thought you guys said this was a secret stash."

One of the Montanaris speaks up, "No one was supposed to know about this!" Then another, "Are we too late?"

"Doubt it," the albino suggests with a frown. "Someone else came in, took it all, then laid out a bunch of signs following the exact path that we're taking?" Her light shines further down the tunnel, revealing yet another sign with a slightly more dire warning. "Those are tall odds even for me."

She glances to Deadpool and offers a blank shrug. 'Beats me!' Then she looks back to the leader of their entourage. "What's the word, Basil?"

"It is Basilio!" the proud man spits out with a glare. "Keep going!"

"Guy has -no- sense of humor," Neena sides to Deadpool with a smirk. Since the mutants are the hired help and all powered and stuff it's their job to take point in the catacombs. Domino for the direction, Deadpool for the meat shield. At least that's how it plays out in her mind!

Without a word she picks another corridor to lead the team down, soon picking out yet another one of those signs. More dire than the last. "Nice to know we're heading in the right direction."

They should be approaching the stash any minute now…

***

The warnings remain more dire- the paint turning to what looks like dried blood. 'Beware, curses ahead.'. They begin- each held up by skeletal hands- bones reshaped to become platforms to hold the signs.

As they get deeper and deeper, 'No, seriously, these curses will ruin you. I'm not joking'. one sign says, this one covered in glitter and puff paint- and what surely must be corpse ichor.

'And, because I made a promise, I'll have to hunt you down and gut you' Another sign offers, before a trio seem to be going together as one goes down a long hall way.

'Angels' one begins, the next coming a few more feet down the long corridor- 'who guard you' the next offers, 'do not watch' followed by 'in these halls' finally 'for all who enter die cursed.'

Oh! That isn't the last one. '(Not sponsored by BurmaShave)

Well who's ever warning these poor people seems to have a sense of humor about it, at least.

***

"Not for nothin', if we end up in Oz instead of Goldmember, I'm okay with it. I can spend Emeralds just as easily. And I haven't destroyed a city since the 80s. Collateral damage is so minimal these days." Deadpool nods along with his own words as he takes half-point in the heading down the tunnels of doom. "I blame the MCU."

Deadpool's ranting is just enough to make sure he doesn't read a single sign. Instead, he's just fine and dandy with the half-leading the way to what should be gold.

"OLLY-OLLY-GOLDEN-FREEEEEEE!" Deadpool yells this down the path in front of him before realizing. "Hold on. That one's not gonna' work. I got it."

Deadpool holds out a Baby Ruth to Domino to free up his right hand. Both gloved hands come up to cup around his masked mouth.

"HEY YOU GUUUUUUUUUUYS!"

So much for stealth?

***

Domino, Basilio, and a third individual of the Family muscle all facepalm in near-perfect unison as Deadpool goes and shouts a few more times. "Oh my god, Wilson," gets muttered in a pained tone.

She'll take the Baby Ruth, though. Why the hell not?

The signs only get more spooky around each turn but they're still hard to take seriously, given the medium which they are made from. The pink glitter easily catches the light and glows all sparkly-like, a cheerful upbeat surrounded by what could very well be dried blood.

"It's like Dazzler got into a knife fight down here," Neena mutters while putting the Baby Ruth away in favor of drawing one of her pistols.

The Montanaris are looking kind of wigged out back there but no call has been made to abort. There's too much riding on this. They can't just walk away now, what and allow the damn -Russians- to claim it all for themselves?!

One of the guys decides to overcompensate by trying to be uber-macho. A classic Beretta 92 is brought out. Bright stainless steel, naturally. "Want me to shut that clown up, Boss?" he asks while glaring at Deadpool.

As if on cue, the two mutants find..!

THE STASH.

"Hold your triggers, boys! We've got something. And by 'something' I mean 'holy shit.'"

***

Signs ignored, Dead Girl is 'awoken' by one of the dark, cursed spirits that guards those coins. "Someone has come." it says to her.

Dead Girl nods quietly, "Well, I mean, I'm not allowed to like actually physically stop them right now." She remarks, "That's the deal. I can warn them, but I can't stop them."

Still, Dead Girl stands up, "Thanks for letting me know. I'll go and offer another dire warning of death and despair."

Dead Girl sets the cat aside, but not before kissing it's forehead. "Good kitty."

And then she just falls right through the floor- going wholly insubstantial as she passes through the walls and bones and everything else to take the fast-way to the stash of cursed gold.

It'll only take her a few minutes to get there.

***

"………!"

Somehow Wade has managed to drop all of his bags and has the pick-axe drawn and aimed for the neck of the uber-machismo fool sucka that thinks he can hang with the 'Pool. Instead of killing him in that moment, though, Wade chooses to gawk through his mask at the stash.

"Somebody cue that hallelujah song."

Forgetting all about the fact that he's supposed to be stabbing a fool for the disrespect, Wade twirls the pick axe up and balances it on his shoulder.

"… I call dibs on anything that actually turns out to be chocolate!" Wade feels proud of those dibs. One can never be too careful.

***

And so, with the continual build-up of suspense like any proper action movie, the small group approaches the pile of gold and reach forth with awe in their eyes to make contact with..the cursed gold. All it takes is one touch for something to trigger in the backs of the minds of the various Montanaris. This is real, proper, ACTUAL gold.

"You two, keep us covered," is ordered of the mutants while the Family digs into the pile in earnest. It was their job, they get first dibs on the loot.

"Does it strike anyone else as odd that someone'd leave a pile of gold like this sitting in the middle of a room?" Neena asks. "I mean..where's all of the Indiana Jones shit?"

Maybe Indy isn't around for questioning but something else occurs during this moment of puzzlement. A muffled *snap!* sounds out of the gloom around the gold chamber.

Hopefully Deadpool notices that he's just been shot sooner rather than later. Enter the Khvostovskis!

***

Dead Girl appears- through the pile of gold coins. All the coins are old, ancient designs. They seem to have an oily sheen that's slightly sickly- a sure sign of curse. Not that people might notice that- they catch the light and shine invitingly like any other gold coin might.

"Woe upon thee!" Dead Girl offers, her body slightly insubstantial. See through. "You will be cursed if you take this gold, my dudes. It is totally a terrible idea and I really do suggest you not take any of it! I mean, I can't stop you- there's an agreement in place, because the gold like.. wants blood or something, it's sort of complicated. Anyways, yeah- don't take the gold. Please? If you do, I gotta hunt you down and take it back all bloody like and it'll be disgusting and I'll have to go to that one dry cleaner who doesn't care if I have a bunch of blood all over my clothes and it's really annoying because he charges so much for his "Ancient Chinese Secret". Dude's not even Chinese! He's Dutch!"

"Anyways, seriously, you don't want to take any of this gold, shit is hella cursed." Dead Girl steps out of the way, and becomes solid. "But, I mean, I'm just the Dead Girl who's trying to keep you alive, so, by all means feel free to ignore me. It'll just mean your soul gets tied to the curse. More fun for me, you know. More people to talk to."

"Oh, hey, you got shot. Might want to get that looked at." Dead Girl offers to Wade, as she leans against a wall of skulls- just watching. She's not allowed to actually stop anyone taking the gold, after all.

***

"…"

It takes a while for Deadpool to realize he's been shot. Pretty much until some ghost person tells him. He looks down and spots the hole and the blood coming out of it. "Shit. I worked all week on this miner's vest!" Deadpool's cosplaying woes aside, the Merc with a Mouth snatches up one of his guns and shoots in the direction of whichever jerk shot him!

"I DIDN'T WANT BLOOD ON THIS! OKAY!"

Wade's attention turns to Domino. "Hey uh, since you're the one with the weird alleged superpower… /you/ grab the gold. I'll uh… kill everyone else."

Deadpool turns back to the ghost person. "Hey uh, ghostly oracle chick? Anything in the rules about killing all these assholes tryin' to take your Lucky Charms?"

***

For some of the Montanaris it's way too late. They've touched the gold. They've taken some of the gold. That some OTHER goth chick suddenly appears from within the pile puts them all immediately on edge, though the thing about gold blindness is that none of them got a clear look of where this Dead Girl actually came from. She must have been waiting in one of the side hallways or something. It's not like people just appear out of thin air..right?

Anyway, if the Italians didn't have a reason to go for their guns before with the suppressed shot that hit Wade they are definitely up in arms now. Ever see a greedy man try to shovel gold coins into a canvas bag while also holding a pistol? It's pretty funny! Very awkward. But they shouldn't be shooting, they should be shoveling stolen gold into their bags. Shooting is what those mutie freaks are for! They're the expendables here.

Domino's too busy diving for cover and returning fire to pay much attention to the warnings so casually being issued, though Dead Girl's appearance is certainly noticed! "What the hell are you talking about? It's just -gold,- curses aren't real! Also for that matter—"

Blam blam blam!

"—Who are you and where did you come from?!"

Then Deadpool tells Dom to grab the gold. Yeah..she can do that! "Put it on my tab!" she calls back to Dead Girl. Curses only existed because they didn't have high tech security systems way back in the day. It's all superstitious nonsense.

Right?

***

"I'm Dead Girl." Dead Girl offers to Domino, "I'm telling you, you *really* don't want to deal with those curses." she notes, as she looks over to Domino, "I can't stop them. And it's not like they can hurt me- so, I'll wait and watch and hunt later. I know where the gold goes. The spirits tell me." she explains as a stray bullet strikes her in the head.

POW! Brains and skull spatter against the wall of skulls. Dead Girl seems barely phased- her head already reforming within scant moments. "Anyways, yeah. I'm Dead Girl. I live here. I like the ambiance. It fits me, you know?"

***

"Did you Home Alone this gold or something?"

Deadpool tosses over his shoulder as he reaches into his ammo bag for a gun of more vicious proportions and comes out with an assault rifle. He turns towards Dead Girl and Domino and plasters on his horrible Terminator impression, "Come with me if you want to die."

He turns back around to the fools that are shooting him and raises the weapon up and yanking back on the trigger to start spraying bullets at everything that's not Domino or Dead Girl. Because that's how you kill bad guys trying to steal the gold that you're here steal!

***

"What I -really- want is to get paid for following these goons through a damn sewer," Domino quickly replies to Dead Girl. "Tell ya what, kiddo. If there's any truth to what you're saying then come find me and we'll have this conversation later."

Then again, she does jump a bit when this 'Dead Girl' gets her head blasted open like a ripe watermelon only for it to pop back into being almost as quickly. She hasn't seen a healing factor work that fast since ..well..since Deadpool, and even his takes longer!

"Nice trick," she quickly offers. "Looks like we've got metas aplenty all up in here."

Speaking of Deadpool, as he's whipping out his 'Little Friend' Neena yells back "It's 'if you want to LIVE,' you idiot!" Then to the Montanaris, "Train's leaving, grab your shit and let's go!"

Between the lot of them they've made short work of that pile of gold. Again..Russkies..don't want to leave them any freebies! With Deadpool covering their backsides the still living albino takes point with a bag full of stolen coins hanging from a shoulder.

***

"Oh! I'll know where you are, don't worry!" Dead Girl offers with a giggle, a creepy sort of giggle. "You'll all be sorry you took the gold! Anyone who touches it is cursed!" she offers in a sing song voice, taking a step back- arms spread wide before she falls backwards into the ground. POOF! Gone in an instant.

***

"Oh, is it time?"

Deadpool takes great joy in emptying the clip and then just tosses the gun to the side. "YEAH! THE METRO'S LEAVING, BITCHES!"

Deadpool stops for a moment. "Er, I don't mean that in a way that slights the female gender. I just mean you guys are some punk ass bitches that suck at stealing gold. #FemaleDogs."

While spouting off his randomness, Deadpool snatches a handful of grenades off his uniform and plucks all the pins out.

"PINEAPPLE SURPRISE!"

The grenades are tossed and Wade turns to walk away from the impending explosion.

"Make sure you get my good side. I'm gonna' send a copy of this to Wolverine. My explosion walk is so much better."

Wade's making himself walk away in slow motion.

***

Okay… Super-regenerative powers AND intangibility. Creepy..but not the weirdest thing Domino's ever come across. It would make a great stage performance, no doubt. Though with the creepy lady out of the way and the Russians being held back by Deadpool's Ode to Superior Firepower the Italian Job is coming to what seems like a most victorious conclusion. They're back out into the corridors of the catacombs lugging some considerable weight, all of them in very good health despite the odds, and one last call of—

'Pineapple surprise!'

"Everyone GET DOWN!"

Everyone except for Wade Wilson, who is slow-motion walking as fast-motion shrapnel snaps through the air and tears into the Mouthy Merc. In a heartbeat the walls ahead of him are spattered with glistening red. He might come up a limb or two short, but he's served his role as a meat shield quite nicely. He still has his gold as well, so ..y'know. It's still a win!

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