Weapons Wonderland
Roleplaying Log: Weapons Wonderland
Participants
IC Details
Synopsis:

Two mercenaries go on a roadtrip to a warehouse full of weapons, absolutely nothing goes wrong!

Other Characters Referenced: Warren Worthington
IC Date: May 02, 2019
IC Location: M-Tec Manufacturing Facility, Florida
OOC Notes & Details
Posted On: 03 May 2019 00:40
Rating & Warnings: PG-13 for mercs being mercs
NPC & GM Credits:
Associated Plots

It starts down at Saint Margaret's. The familiar feeling of a mercenary hangout, the Epic Uno Battles, the smoking because screw public health and safety regulations, the drinking…

And the Deadpool.

The offer is simple, direct, and strikingly vague in details, so it's a pretty safe bet that it's a legit 'job' offer from someone like Domino.

"Hey Wade, wanna score some firepower? I need another driver."

***

The sounds of everything under the sun being thrown into suitcases and duffle bags happens in the span of one panel to the next. There's a shot of a rubber duck landing on top of a pile of LEWDIPIE Magazines and a pack of Bubbalicious Bubblegum follows. The bag is zipped up by familiar gloved hands and in a few more panels we're all treated to…

"Wade 'Deadpool' Griswold. Reporting for duty, ma'am!"

A look at Deadpool will reveal that he's cosplaying in full out Clark Griswold attire, right over his suit that keeps everyone from seeing the horrific features that he has been cursed with. He's got the fishing pole and the bucket hat and everything.

"Let's get show on the road."

National Lampool's Vacation, anyone?

***

Of course any dealings with Deadpool are …unconventional… but the truth which Domino isn't bothering to reveal just yet because she's a sneaky white bitch is that she doesn't have many people she can call on. Fewer who don't ask a lot of questions. Fewer still who can be tempted into helping out in exchange for free guns.

If this is what it's gonna take then she's just gonna have to deal.

"For the record, you look ridiculous."

A truck has already been secured. She has an address. A GPS is already programmed and ready to go since she knows what kind of attention span the Mouthy Merc has. She'll even help out with the driving! Up until the Georgia state line, that is. Then all bets are off, she's sitting her pasty white ass in the -back- of the truck. No explanation is given. She writes it off as casually as can be. But, eventually, they'll wind up in..!

-Florida.-

It's only once they've gotten to the place and night has fallen that she bothers to share some of the information with Deadpool, all while remaining hidden in the back of the truck. If Wade happens to have a moment of astuteness he might pick up that she's really quite nervous about -something-…

"Place is called M-Tec. I hear they make all sorts of fun toys, though they've been quite fond of their in-house giggleswitch-enabled M-Fourgeries. Here's the kicker. They know we're coming."

Then she lets a key dangle from her middle finger with a sly little smirk.

"And they've rolled out the red carpet for us. I know the guy who owns this place so no need for a smash and grab. We're free to pick up whatever falls off of the truck. Just ..try to keep a low profile for me, okay?"

***

Deadpool looks up from yanking a gigantic cartoon-sized bazooka from one of the bags he brought on this trip. He's got stickers all over his suit from the various stops and cities and towns along the way. He loved this freaking road trip it seems like. He's even got lingering sunscreen on parts of his mask. It's a whole thing.

"Ummmmmmmmmmm." Deadpool looks at the Giant Bazooka and wipes away some of the dust that's on it. It reveals the name: 'The Harley' which has been engraved on the side of it. "Yeah. I'd say this is about as low profile as I can get." A bazooka.

Wade hops to it and props the giant weapon on his shoulder and heads over to stand alongside Domino. "Lead the way, Stay Puft Marshmallow Butt and let's get busier than Arsenio Hall."

It is, of course, at this moment that he spins his fist in the air and barks in the most 90s nostalgia way possible.

***

Neena's eyes quickly go wide as Wade hauls out the launcher (where was he HIDING that thing?!) and hops out with the tube at low ready. "-Dammit- Wade!" she hisses while leaping out of the truck after him! Before anything else happens she's got both hands on the metal tube in order to make sure it -doesn't- get pointed anywhere near the store.

"Did you miss the part about us having free access to this joint?!" she hisses at his sunscreen-stained mask. How can she put this in a way that he'll actually care enough to behave?

She stands in front of him, stares, and holds up one ghostly finger. "-One shot,- Deadpool. You screw this up? No more free toys. The owner is trusting me, and I …am out of my damn mind… trusting -you.-" She pauses and closely watches in the hopes that any of this is getting through before firmly declaring "No explosives. Now c'mon" before she loses what little control she may still possess over the moment!

One of the garage doors in the loading bay is unlocked and lifted open. It (unfortunately) isn't like an 80's action movie, there aren't walls full of weapons on display. It's a manufacturing facility above all else so it's more boxes and machinery. Tons of barrel blanks, slabs of aluminum in various states of being milled into receivers, plenty of magazines and ammunition for testing purposes… All it takes is a little poking around and an open mind.

Unless someone happens to find where all of the fully assembled rifles are stacked up ready to be shipped off. That's always an option.

"I love the smell of weapons-grade oil in the dead of night," the albino gently sighs with a slight relaxing of the shoulders.

***

"UGGGGGGGH. Fine. But when I tell Harley that you made me leave her in the truck, she's going to be sooooooooo pissed. Which is fine. Because she's super hot fiyah when she's pissed. So in a way you're actually doing me a favor."

Deadpool drops the bazooka off his shoulder and immediately decides to pay more attention to what they are apparently here for.

"Alright, so you got a shopping list or is this more of a take anything that's not nailed down shopping spree kind of thing?"

Wade rolls up next to Domino on one of those motorized carts that can be found at every grocery store. His is red and black with a huge Deadpool logo on the side.

"And more importantly, how much do I get to keep?"

***

A faint sigh of relief is breathed when 'Harley' is left behind. That..isn't a reference to the OTHER Harley, is it..? Maybe Domino shouldn't ask.

"No list," she confirms. "Look. I needed a driver and you helped me out with some hardware a little while back so I thought I'd square up. We can't loot the place down to the foundation but we've got all night to figure out what's coming home with us. Whatever you find …"

SPEAKING of finding things, she motions to the motorized cart Deadpool suddenly comes rolling in on with an upward tick of her head and asks "Where the hell did that come from?" It's like the guy has portable holes sewn into his tactical gear!

A hand is quickly held up with another sigh, this one a bit heavier. "Nevermind. You can keep whatever you find. Just don't go TOO hog wild. The temptation is stellar, I know. This is more of a gift for services rendered."

For BOTH of them.

This said the albino's hands unite in a single clap then rub together. "And now, for the million dollar question. If I had my own weapons manufacturing facility and wanted somewhere to hide the REAL cool shit…"

Neena's picked up a scent.

***

By the time Domino's finished telling him the rules, Deadpool has already filled up the cart on the front of his motorized machine of shopping. He doesn't even know what he's grabbing but he likes free stuff and since this is free stuff he might as well take as much of it as possible.

"I'm gonna' drop all this off at Al's and tell her it's a new IKEA desk. Then I'm going to make some popcorn and laugh my ass off."

Deadpool rolls the cart to a stop next to Domino again and hops off the damn thing. After which he goes into one of his pouches and yanks out a giant Santa Sack, which is empty, but its thrown over his shoulder as a call back to a past log.

"Lead the way, Patch ADAYUMS!" Deadpool is probably making another lewd reference but as long as he doesn't get shot in the face, he'll be fine to do more shopping.

***

"Oh my god Wade," Neena hangs her head and covers her face with a hand. It's not a large basket in that cart but he's just..it's already..HOW?!

Deadpool's jokes may miss the mark more often than not with Domino. The thought of him dumping all of these parts off in front of Al with a bit of misdirection has her barking out a laugh! Even if she doesn't know who Al is! "Make sure you get it on video! That'll be -solid- drinking entertainment."

He doesn't get shot in the face. Not -yet.- Underneath the weird jokes and sarcasm lies a hair trigger and Warren would probably be rather cross if the next time he sees this facility it's engulfed in flames on the evening news. This trip has been testing her patience but she's -positive- that it'll all be worthwhile in the end.

One of the keys gets them into an office in the back.

A bit of luck gets them into a hidden walk-in vault inside of said office.

M-Tec might have made M4 clones but what gun fabricator -doesn't- like to tinker with other designs and hang onto a few valuable trinkets sourced from other facilities?

Neena about falls over laughing when one of the first guns she notices upon the wall is a fifty caliber Desert Eagle custom finished in black and red Cerakote. It's pulled from the wall and given a once over while she smirks like a fiend. "Looks like you've got a secret admirer." The five pound slab of steel gets tossed his way. It has his name on it in every way except for the literal!

***

"Oh."

Next Panel.

"My.

One more panel over.

"ZOD!"

Deadpool drops to his knees the moment that weapon touches his gloved hands. The lenses of his mask go wide and he stares down at the Gun that was Built for Him. "It's… it's beautiful. It's the Beyonce of Bang Bang." Wade flips the gun over in his hands a few times before he looks up at Domino. There's an artificial tear rolling down the masked cheek and everything. Artificial because the bottle of Clear Eyes is on the floor next to him.

"I'd ask you to marry me right now, Domino, if the ceremony wasn't going to just get interrupted by Mojo or Doctor Doom."

Wade looks back down at the weapon in his hands.

"Sweet Halloween. This is incredible. What am I going to call you, hm?"

Deadpool starts nuzzling the weapon like, well, this is going to get awkward. Look away, readers. Look. Away.

***

Neena watches for a little while before gently clearing her throat and..looking away. She gets having an unhealthy appreciation (obsession) with certain pieces of equipment but a point is reached where it's all she can do to Not Get Involved and give the guy a little personal space. "Just keep it in your suit, pal."

The rest of the room holds some of the usual offenders, full auto MP5's slapped together with US sheet steel receivers and German parts kits. A smattering of semiautomatic shotguns. More than a couple of assault rifles, including the yet to be commercially released Bren 2 (she'll help herself to one of those, thank you!) And—

And…

"Hey, Wilson. They've got grenade launchers."

Let's see how long his love affair with the Magnum goes with this bit of news in the wild!

Of course it wouldn't be a proper arms exchange without Neena finding something far-fetched and suitably appropriate for her. Once again Lady Luck delivers. Lying on a back table are a pair of bulkier silver pistols unlike anything she's seen out in the field. They both wind up in her hands for some closer inspection, lightly bobbing her head in appreciation. "I think I like it here."

Those are goin' in the Gun Bag!

"Hey no shit. Ever feel like owning your own Pig?" she thumbs over to a fully restored M60 machine gun. "These boys were -connected.-"

***

The Desertpool Eagle (working name) has been holstered and the Merc with a Mouth is back up and at 'em at the words: 'grenade launchers' and from there he's got his Santa Sack back and wide open. He's become a kid at the chocolate factory all over again in an attempt to prepare himself for maximum acquisitions.

"I don't know who you killed to get those keys but I'm sure glad they're dead!"

Deadpool goes for Grenade Launchers and the like for the speed tossing into the Santa Sack. Weasel's going to have kittens when he sees all this loot!

Deadpool stops after tossing M60 into the Santa Sack. "… Please tell me they have swords."

***

To the 'I don't know who you killed' line Neena turns Wade's way and winks. "A lady never kisses and tells."

She probably should have brought a bigger bag, however. Deadpool has the right idea! One unregistered weapon after another gets pulled from the display and tucked into her own duffel, in tactical black naturally.

Wilson doesn't have quite the same degree of luck that the albino has. "No pointy-stabbies back here. Go fish. Or hey, maybe later we can go pick a fight with some Yakuza or The Hand or something, I hear they've got some quality can openers," she suggests while racking the bolt on something else belt-fed. Another glance around the vault has her frowning slightly. "No RPG's either. Can't say I'm surprised. Oo, hello there MP9!"

Warren is SO on the Christmas Card list this year.

That compact PDW is given a quick spin around an index finger when she asks "So what have you been doing for fun these days?" Sure, she had the entire multi-state roadtrip for small talk but she hadn't much been in the mood before. Being surrounded by Free Guns is helping to change her tune.

***

"Oh, you know, helping the Government get all us weird freakos Registered. Also, reading my comics. Y'know, the usual."

Deadpool shrugs as he just picks a wall and starts yanking things off and dropping them directly into his Santa Sack. It's just the kind of action that he loves. It's all about the free stuff. Deadpool is cheap.

"Unfortunately, unlike SOME people with luck powers that aren't real, /I/ still have to actually work to get the things I want. I don't get to just kill random people and get access to Smith & Wesson's Chocolate Factory…" Jealous!

***

Domino's next acquisition is about to make it into the bag when she hesitates but for a split second when Wade mentions what he's been up to. There and gone, like nothing is amiss.

Then she's back to casual smirking. "You might be surprised to hear that I -didn't- kill anyone for this opportunity. At least..not specifically," she pauses again while trying to recall everything which had led her up to this point.

Eh, it's not so important.

"Alright, c'mon. We've got enough to start a war or three." Not that it stops her from taking ooone more pistol from the Gallery of Guns on her way to the door, similarly rolling this one around in her hand as she goes.

The vault gets sealed behind them. The office door gets locked. Lights go out as they return to the truck, soon to be quite a bit heavier with their collective scores.

"I'll take first run at the wheel. Got some energy to work out."

As Weapons Wonderland is left behind she goes back to being mostly silent about everything which has transpired. She's focused. As focused as a laser designator for a guided missile system. She tries not to take sides when it comes to the political nonsense or with the current climate being what it is but there are some situations which she just…
can't…
ignore.

The truck is pulled into a quiet parking lot then brought to a halt with the excuse of "Just gotta take care of one last thing" as she reaches for her phone and starts to poke at the screen.

(One shot, Thurman.)

Her head never rises from the screen when her free hand pulls a pistol out from a shoulder holster and levels it right at Deadpool's head.

In an instant the truck cabin flashes as a single shot slams out within the enclosed space. Hit or miss there's a fresh hole in the passenger side window. Whether that window is now saturated with gore or not depends on how quick she can move versus how distracted Deadpool happens to be.

***

Deadpool is playing on his Lextendo Switch at the moment. Which is why he's too busy to notice that he's being aimed at. When the truck stops he figures there's going to be a stop for food or something.

"I'll take a strawberry shake."

Wade doesn't even look up from his game until there's a giant hole through his entire skull. He slumps over in the seat, the pain and blood and brains splattered all over the passenger side window.

Deadpool's out cold and the Lextendo Switch falls to the floor of the cab with blood all over the screen and a 'Game Over' countdown happening.

Wade'll probably wake back up in a few moments but for now he's shot to unconsciousness!

***

Success! Time to haul ass!

"Nothing personal, Wade," Neena almost soothingly tells the momentarily dead mercenary beside her while holstering the gun. "You're just on the wrong side of the battlefield."

The other vehicle she had parked beside is unlocked and the keys are tucked under the sun visor, lucky her! The engine starts and she makes short work transferring her goodie bag from one vehicle to the other.

After a half second of consideration she lugs Deadpool's heavy Santa bag over to the new vehicle, as well. One item gets left behind for him, however. That pretty red and black Desert Eagle. She knows destiny when she sees it.

"You realize he's going to kill you the next time he sees you, Dom," the albino says out loud to herself while jumping in behind the second vehicle's wheel. The transmission gets dropped into drive with a "This'll be interesting."

Back toward Gotham City she goes.

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